its hard for someone like me, inclined to want to go nuts on there, and post random shit — because I cant, not when people can read it. 
windy
One year ago, the tornado that was blew through North Minneapolis.
the sun
god i love spring. not that this winter sucked, but i still love spring. i feel great, and thats good.
letters make words make sentences make letters
I guess my posts here have made their way into Google, as I got an e-mail the other evening from someone that made some comments on a couple things, and asked some questions..
Here, dear reader — are some of your answers, in no particular order:
Q: Whats with the parent post? That seems out of place. What’s it from?
A: This isnt my normal blog. On my normal blog, I’ve talked more about my parents, both in life, and death. That particular post was a response to something that was said to me by someone that lacks any kind of selfless maternal instinct.. if you know what I mean.
Q: Who are you writing about? Why? And do they know or care? Are you in love?
A: It doesnt matter who I write about, and honestly I’ve written about several people on here. I can fall in love every day. We (people) tend to be great, if we are allowed to flourish. Finding people that flourish is becoming harder and harder to do though. We are all so tightly wound. Today, I am not in love; tommorow, I might be.
Q: People are shitty. I hate my life. Do you have any advice for me?
A: Yes, generally, people are shitty. Not everyone though is as bad as you might think. Have hope!
I could get personal here, but dont need to, or want to. The simple fact is that it’s wise to take the source of anything said to you, or about you, into account — don’t let someone else’s unhealthy outlook on life mire you up. And, please dont look twice at anyone that recklessly discards you. They dont deserve you, and never will.
And then there’s this, my little mantra/song that always brings me back to what I believe in, how I roll, and the type of people I want in my life..
No magic here. Just words.
parents pt1
It’s difficult, i imagine, for someone that has, little or no fond memories of their parents to understand the kind of person that would take care of an aged parent for 10 years. hell, it’s difficult for a lot of people, even those have good relationships with their parents.
She was a functioning alcoholic, who didnt quit drinking until I was nearly 30, and then didn’t do it, for anyone other than herself. No surprise there; alcoholics rarely quit for others. She had, by the time she quit, managed to alienate most of her kids, except for me. I was in california at the time — involved, working, living ..
She called us nightly.
I moved back, not expecting to spend as long as I have. It was pretty clear, though, within the first week or so (she was keeping a 16 year old nearly-dead dog alive on her bedroom floor, and injecting it with vinegar ‘to kill the cancer’), that she was in need of something, or someone, to “keep her company”.
And as I’ve recounted before, time passed. And no, it wasnt easy, but I did get most of the apologies I needed for the crappy things that happened to me as a kid. She owned up, in the end.
I dont ever look back with any kind of regret at the time I spent with her. She was a terrible mom, and i STILL dont regret it. Above all else, she was still my mom – and the very least I could do, for her, for our relationship, was to be there for her – when no-one else was.
She died on Nov. 11.
In 2011 I almost forgot the date completely.
It’s not about living in the past. I dont even miss her.
It’s about recognizing that despite her faults, and she had a LOT of them, and despite her raging alcoholism, most of the things she tried to teach me when I was younger .. she was right. She did her best. I’ve accepted that. I owed her the same. She got it.
friends s01ep2
Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three’s Company where there’s some kind of misunderstanding.
Phoebe: Then I’ve already seen this. (takes the remote and clicks)
i am a very good judge of character
Lena Headey
..and she has good morals :p
A Treatise on Morality
- dont shit on women.
- try not to shit on men.
- dont shit on anyone else.
the subtle difference between love and the letter (or why she cant write because you have to be unhappily inlove to write loving sappy words)
love and love letters are two different things. love is deep and magical and complex and intense; too often, love letters are the lonely sorrowful cry in the otherwise dark and still night. love possessed is expressed in silence and active patience, in contrast to love lost, expressed in the all too recognized mournful wail of the broken-hearted love letter.
the little windows
broken and smudged by fingerprints, the little windows.
